An Alchemist's Notes

2009-02-02T06:40:00.000-08:00

I found myself at a party the night before last, with people i wouldn't normally associate with. not that i don't like or respect them, but we don't have a lot in common. i normally associate with artist/stoner types, but this party was that of a jock and his sports-minded friends. for background, i don't play sports. i work out, but that's a different kind of thing, not really a sport. so you could assume i don't have a lot in common with these kids. still though, i found myself there because some of my other friends know this particular kid. i thought that i would end up only talking to the people i already knew, but that wasn't the case. i assumed they wouldn't want to be friends with me as much as i didn't know what to talk about with them, but not so. they, like normal people, socialized and got to know me. this has taught me something. i like to think that i'm open and non-judgmental, but i assumed things about these people without even realizing. i can see now that they are humans too. not jocks, but just kids who like sports. now these kids greet me in the halls like a friend. maybe i can't get completely into their circle, but i don't want to. for a select two or three to want to hang out is more then enough for me. as usual, i would only resonate with those who are like me in some way. there are many of them that are not, and were they not jocks i still wouldn't hang out with them. perhaps the few even have some unique wisdom to offer me. a kind that i've never experienced because i couldn't let someone like them into my life before.

2008-12-20T17:40:00.001-08:00

I truely believe that people recieve things when they are ready for them. I found the kybalion when i was capable of undertsanding it. what confuses me, then, is that i can't find my soulmate. I am a self-aware, empathetic, bottomless well of love, but i can't seem to find a kindred spirit. Just as the fruit tree gives of itself not because it wishes to fill other's needs, but because the act of giving is a need of the tree itself; so too i wish to be with someone.

A particularly intresting associate of mine has a new lover every two weeks. To him, love is being touched, held and entwined. This clingy need to be in contact drives his new loves away, quickly. I, on the other hand, offer fine dinners and a romatic, intimate evening; and i can't even manage one decent relationship. When i put this in terms of "those who are ready shall recieve", it tells me that i must not be prepared for a relationship at this point. It breaks my heart. I practice a rare sort of love called devotion. How is my associate, clearly unready for these relationships he is apt to starting, more deserving of companionship then i am?

There is a reason, though i cannot percieve it through my perceptual filters. Love is what exalts us humans, and maybe all things everywhere. I will wait, in silent lament, for my own exaltation of love.

2008-12-12T10:37:00.000-08:00

It's interesting that without being told who in this school has something for me to learn, i can already spot a few who have something to offer me. A nugget of wisdom for me to assimilate into my own. Being a glassblower, i assumed that one would be an art teacher, but it was more obvious then that. Maybe, it's something in their eyes, or the way they react to my unobtrusive-ness that tells me.

When i was younger, someone wise completely explained learning to me once in a single sentence. He said, "You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." The way i understand it, is this: You can show someone the path to the spring of knowledge. Bring them to the brink of understanding. Arrange the dots on the page. But you can't connect the dots for them. You can only show someone how to gain the knowledge. You can't force them to comprehend.

I decided to stay in the background in my new school. To stay off the radar, as opposed to my usually gregarious and spirited disposition. Something, though, tells me it isn't going to last. Certain teachers have already taken notice of me, and it's only my third day. To be fair, i do have a bit of swagger, which draws some attention to myself. But, I don't think this is the reason. Animal magnetism, maybe?

My history teacher, today, asked me what i was reading. I said i was reading "The Prophet". His eyes totally changed. The way he looks at me is different now. I suppose he thinks i am interesting, or maybe unusually astute. This man knows volumes about life. I can see it in his eyes. I'll be paying particular attention to what he says.

2008-12-12T05:37:00.000-08:00

In mid-September, i dropped out of school. I had time to do some real learning. i don't mean information. I mean wisdom. This is real learning, and it is hard to do. In my life thus far, i have been lucky to go many places and experience many things. But i think that everything we need to gain profound wisdom is already around us, all the time. I feel that wisdom and fact are similar, but there is one difference that makes wisdom infinitely more valuable. Wisdom, in my opinion, is a fact that is true for everyone, everywhere, and will always be true. Because wisdom relates to the inner-workings of things, and not things themselves, all wisdom is around us all the time. Fact, in contrast, has to be taught or researched. It's true right now, but eventually, it will become outdated and fade from memory. People have lost touch with the value of wisdom. We are slowly forfeiting our time to think. To reflect on experiences and interactions. This is where wisdom is. The Internet is a means of getting a lot of information very quickly but, without time to ingest, it's only entertainment.

My father gave me a book when i was young. It's called "The Prophet", by Khalil Gibran. I think this book contains a lot of wisdom. I have come back to it many times in my life, often when i am ripe for change. Every time i read it, i understand more of what is being said. Different poems have been significant at different times. Right now, the poem "On Self-Knowledge" really speaks to me. It goes:

"Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought. You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.

And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea.
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure.
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless an measureless.

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth'
Say not, 'I have found the path of the soul.' Say rather, 'I have met the soul walking upon my path'
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals."

2008-12-11T07:19:00.000-08:00

If something does not work out like you would have hoped, there isn't reason to be bitter. We can never know how things would have worked out if something happened differently. For example, say a friend lets me try his lemonade from starbucks. Say it becomes my favorite thing to drink. Ten years from now, i could be in a starbucks, getting a lemonade, and i happen to meet another lemonade-lover. we hit it off, and start dating. all because my friend had let me try his lemonade. We can't control what happens beyond ourselves, so if you're comfortable in this moment, then it is a good moment. Things could be wildly different, and we couldn't even begin to imagine, so maybe we should stop trying to force ourselves upon life, and instead try to live as a part of it.

2008-12-10T11:27:00.000-08:00

I feel very in touch with my own power, lately. People have the power to do amazing things, but only if they think they can do them. By focusing on what we want, i think we actually align aspects of our life to what we are focusing on. It is similar to prayer. By aligning ourselves with what we want to gain or achieve, i think that we make ourselves open to receiving it. I can't stress enough the power to create our thoughts have. Verily, nothing can be created without first thinking of it. Often, in my life, there are things that i want. Sometimes, it's not something that i have the means, or the money to get. But through concentration of thought, these things have a way of working themselves into my life.

This is a basic view of the law of attraction. It works both ways though. You can't focus on the negative in your life, because it will inevitably create more of the same. You have to have a very clear idea of what you want. You need to be able to visualize it. What does it look like? what does it feel like to have it in your hands? how would your life be different if you had it? what would other people say when you show/tell them about it? By visualizing these things, subtle changes begin to take place. If you are observant, you can sometimes see them.